It's Okay, I'm Okay
by Tawnyshine
Summary: One-Shot. SPOILER ALERT. Please finish the Anime/Manga before reading! - Toboe's so lost at the moment... He knows everybody's sad, and that even Tsume's upset. He just doesn't understand... why...? !


**Spoiler Alert. If you haven't got to episode 28 and above, do not read. **

**Unless you like spoilers. **

**Thank you Abyssehness for showing me Wolf's Rain, and watching it with me again (even though you've already watched it 7 times. That beats my watching Death Note 6 times), and finishing it with me yesterday... best Anime ever :')**

**Anyway. Toboe angst. I'm still not sure who's my favorite... Tied between Toboe, Tsume and Hige. ;-;**

**It's Okay... I'm Okay**

I lay there, in the old man's arms, feeling his life ebb away as my own did as well. The pain... it wasn't so bad. Maybe it was because Cheza was stroking my fur, comforting me. I wanted to cry with her, but only because it was _Cheza_ who was crying.

I tried to whine, to wag my tail, to let them know that I was okay. But I couldn't, and it scared me.

_Kiba,_ I tried to say. _Hige? T-Tsume? Where are you? Am I okay?_ Because in truth, I didn't really know. I knew that a bullet had been fired, and in the heat of the moment, I wasn't sure if it was Pops or Darcia's gun that did it. But I knew I was shot, and then so was Pops.

I knew that, even if the bullet hadn't penetrated this deep, even if it had just grazed my shoulder, I would slowly bleed out, and then freeze to death. But Pops wouldn't be dead, because I would have been there. I would have protected him.

Then, maybe, just maybe, I would be able to stall Darcia until Blue could get there to attack Darcia with me, and Tsume and Kiba, and Hige.

I felt myself tense up as Cheza left my side, walking away from me. _Don't leave me!_

"Pops!" I heard Blue yell, followed by Hige shouting my own name.

I felt hot tears build up inside me, but it was like I didn't even have the strength to cry. It was scary. But at least I wasn't alone.

"How did this... happen?" Hige asked, sounding like he was on the verge of tears himself. Again, I tried to wag my tail, but I couldn't. I felt Blue kneel beside me, and I knew she was sad. But she was more sad about Pops. Of course she would be. Pops was Blue's Granny. I would do anything... anything to see Granny again... Anything... And I killed her.

_No,_ I thought stubbornly. _Do not go there. Try to keep it together!_

"Don't go," Blue whispered.

_I'm trying..._ I attempted to respond, even though she wasn't talking to me. I felt a stab at my heart string as I felt Pops die behind me. It was so desolate now... I was the only thing keeping his lifeless body warm, even though that wouldn't even last long.

"Oh, please no," I heard Hub say breathlessly as I knew the others were coming. "Quent..." I felt Hub fall to the ground behind Pops, crying. I started to panic then.  
>Was I really okay? Was I really here? Did they know I was here?<p>

All that was dismissed when I felt Kiba's hand on my head. My fear melted. "Toboe," he said calmly, but I could still hear the hurt. I wanted nothing more than to, at that moment, get up and run. I wanted to feel my muscles flexing. And I knew it was because they were dying.

Kiba, now in wolf form, tilted back his head and howled. The rest soon joined in. I wanted to howl... I wanted to sing to the moon as loud as I could. I wanted to shout at whatever cruel person was in charge of the world.

Why do goodbyes have to hurt so much?

"Shiloh, shiloh..." I heard Cheza sing mournfully as the wolves around me howled in remorse. I felt myself slipping; No! It can't be this way!

The last thing I saw was Cheza looking at me through the corner of her eye as she sang me to sleep.

And then there was bliss.

Suddenly, I could move. I could stretch. I could see, but my friends weren't there.

And at the time, I didn't care. I could still hear Cheza's song. I was positive I wasn't dead... just dreaming... only dreaming.

Was this Paradise? It was so peaceful... I could run, I could run all I wanted and I wouldn't get tired, and I'd never run out of the vast, endless expanse of grass and hills to run in. Cheza's song ended, and I felt myself grow restless.

"We have to keep moving," I heard Kiba's voice break through it all. I stopped running, turning my head.

It was night now. What happened to the sun? Or the clouds? They were replaced with a red moon, and stars. "There's no time, we have to go."

"So what's your plan, Porky?" I heard Tsume say. Tsume sounded... angry. Why was Tsume angry? I was alright now! I felt good! I agreed with Kiba, we had to get moving... had to get there before Darcia. Cheza's song must have healed me in my sleep. That was it! "After coming all this way, what are you gonna do?"

There was sadness in the air as Hige struggled to respond.

"... Where you gonna run to _this time_?" I faltered, sitting down. They were away, not here, but I could hear them. I just have to find them... to say I was okay.

"I'm not running," Hige said despairingly. "I just figured you guys didn't need me anymore."

"Hige! Don't say that!" I yelled. "We need you! We all do!"

"I guess... you never did."

"No! We always have!" I tilted back my head and howled a short howl of my confusion to the wind.

"None of us is any more vital than the other, Hige." Yes! Thank you, Kiba! He was saying what the others couldn't hear me say... or what I couldn't get the others to hear me say. "Nothing is indispensable. Not anymore."

"Except for you." I stopped my whining, for I had started to yip and call out to get their attention. "Our paradise can't be opened... unless you're there." Huh? "You're the only one of us... who can go all the way."

… so... Paradise. Was it... was it hopeless? I sat down. Even if we followed Kiba? We wouldn't be able to make it to Paradise?

"Even Tsume must realize that by now."

… I realized that by now.

"I don't care, I'm still going." I heard Blue's voice ring out. It made me feel more confident. Go Blue! "Even if I'm turned away at the gates of Paradise," she said, making me want to find them, search them out so that I could cheer her on, "I'll keep going for as long as I can. And s_o will you._ We made a pact to _stay together_," she said to Hige. I grinned, walking aimlessly in vain hope to find them. They would make it, I thought. We all will.

Hige didn't answer.

"_Stop making excuses!_" Blue cried out. "_I know you wanna go!"_ Who didn't want to go to Paradise?

"Blue!" Hige said, shocked. I was, too. I've never seen Blue get that emotional.

I heard something loud, something unsettling. What was that? Were they save? No; it was distant.

"It's starting to fall apart," Kiba said. "Even this close to center."

"He's right," Hub said. "We'd better get moving." I heard him walk around. It sounded like he was walking right in front of me, but I didn't _see _him! It was so frustrating! "You don't have to worry about me," he said. "If it feels like I'm slowing you guys down," I heard a click. A gun? ! "I'll take care of it myself.

"Hub! No!" I cried. "You can't!" I jumped in the air, trying to see over the hills. I saw nothing, smelled no one.

"Come on," Hub continued. "I wanna see how far _I _can go, too."

"Wait for me!" I yelled desperately.

"Go on ahead," I heard Tsume say softly over my shouting. I shut up to hear what he was saying. "I'll catch up."

Yes! So all I have to do is find Tsume! And then I'll find the others! "Tsume!" I shouted.

"I wanna talk to the runt for a while."

… did I have to wait for _him_ to find _me?_ I sat down there, dumbstruck.

"... we understand," Kiba spoke for the rest of the... was it really a pack? I had never thought of us as more than a group of wayward wolves, just sticking together long enough to survive onto Paradise. But... I guess... that was the definition of a pack, huh?

I felt the wind rustle my fur, though the air was still. As I heard their footsteps fade away, I heard their footsteps get closer. What the heck? I perked my ears.

"Guys!" I said, bounding forward. It annoyed me a little that I couldn't turn into a human, but whatever.

"Hige! Blue! I'm here! Kiba!" I bounced in front of them. "Guys?" I looked in the direction they were coming from. "I-it's okay, you guys go on! I'm going to go find Tsume!"

I was a little miffed at how close he was. If I hadn't sat down, I would have probably ran into them a lot sooner, found them a lot sooner. They would have seen that I was okay. I ran off in Tsume's direction. I could see him. I heard a boom behind me, after a star fell from the sky. But it was okay, I didn't stop running. Tsume was there.

"Tsume! You wanted to talk to me?" I said breathlessly, padding up behind him, tail wagging.

"Look at you," he said. "I didn't realize how big you've grown." I looked down at my chest, at my paws, then turned my head to look at my back. Same old Toboe.

"Who, me?" I asked. "Tsume, why do you look sad?"

"When I first met you, I don't think I've ever seen such a scrawny little pup," he said.

"I was hungry!" I defended.

"Heh, I knew back then what a sucker you were when it came to humans, but..."

"Who, Leara? I was hungry, I told you! And she had food!"

"I guess, I never really understood how much they meant to you until now."

I sat behind Tsume. "Tsume, look at me." What was he looking at? There certainly was something interesting on the ground over there.

"I don't know."

"What?"

"Maybe I was jealous."

"..."

"Are you listening, Toboe?"

"... Tsu-Tsume?"

"You once asked me... How I got this scar on my chest," he said."Do you remember that?" I nodded, afraid to speak. I've never seen Tsume so... vulnerable. "This mark," he said, his head bowing more, "is a reminder of my sin." His words were a double edged sword. He was trying to comfort me; yet he ended up ripping his own pain raw be reliving this.

"... Your... Your sin, Tsume?"

"I ran away. My friends were being slaughtered, and I abandoned them. They knew what I had done. And banished me from the pack."

"... Oh, Tsume..." It seemed like I had nothing to say. I had a million things to say, but I couldn't voice one of them.

"I didn't _need _any friends. I never trusted them." I whined, walking up to Tsume, poking his leather-clad back with my nose.

"Tsume, it's okay. You can trust us. You do trust us, right...?" My thoughts lingered on Hige.

"All I ever did was betray the people around me... until I met the three of you. I wanted... to take you to Paradise..." his voice was shaky. "You were the one... who brought me all the way.. here..."

"Come on, Tsume!" I tugged on his sleeve. "Let's go! I believed in you... I won't whine anymore, and I won't run away. I promise! Just please... please, let's go! "

"Yeah. I know kid. I know." I saw a tear trickle down his cheek.

"I'm okay, see? It's okay, I'm alright!" I was crying. It hurt. Didn't he see me? Why couldn't he see me? I nuzzled his arm, but he didn't respond. "Tsume!" I yelled.

He stood up. "Old man," he said. "Take care of the runt for me." It was only then did I see what he was looking at.

I was lying there, still. In Pops's arms. It didn't make sense. How was I... and then here? Was I...? !

"See ya," he said, walking off.

"Yeah," I said, feeling as if the ground didn't exist anymore. "... See you."


End file.
